Thursday, July 18, 2013

Fear of Falling by S.L Jennings

So as you know I did a teaser for this on Tuesday on my Facebook and Twitter pages, if not then head on over and drool check it out!!

Well it has taken me a while to figure out what I want to say about this amazing book so here it goes:

Author Disclaimer: Abuse is real- verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. It takes place all around us; it doesn’t discriminate against race or gender, wealth or poverty. It affects us all- those of us who’ve had to live through it, or watch it happen, even those of us who’ve only heard about it. We are all affected. We are all forever changed.
This is not a story for the faint of heart; this is the story of one woman’s very real struggle through a world against her, the people who hurt her, her real life demons and the people who showed her that every gray sky, no matter how dark, has a sun waiting to break through.

I can’t remember the last time I felt completely safe. Security seemed more like a luxury to me, reserved for those who were fortunate enough to have picture perfect childhoods. For those who didn’t bear the ugly scars that keep me bound in constant, debilitating fear. I’ve run from that fear my entire life. But when I met him, for once, I couldn’t run anymore.
He scared the hell out of me in a way that excited every fiber of my being. It wasn’t the tattoos or the piercings. It wasn’t the warmth that seemed to radiate from his frame and blanket me whenever he was near. It was just…him. The scary beautiful man that threatened to alter 23 years of routine and rituals, and make me face my crippling fear.
My name is Kami and I am constantly afraid. And the thing that scares me the most is the very thing I want.
“Don’t worry,” he smiled, pulling me into the hard warmth of his chest. “I’ve got you. I’ll always catch you when you fall.”
And just like that, Blaine had staked his claim on the untouched part of me that no living soul had ever moved. He had captured every fear, every reservation, and crushed them in the palm of his inked hand.

***Inspired by true events***

My Thoughts

Ok, so in this book we are introduced to Kami, beautiful mixed Kami that has lived through hell in her past but as a reader we do not know the information to what went on with her, at first, we just know it is bad and she is broken, torn down, and bleeding everywhere.
She lives with her ever quirky, forever hilarious roommates, Angel and Dom.
Angel is a lesbian and very... colorful... her language could make any military man blush, which says a lot because I am married to a marine and his mouth is very very dirty ;). 
Dom sounds like a light skinned sex god and he is a big man-whore, he and Angel even share sometimes..ha!.. Angel and Dom are both damaged mentally and the trio make up a very strange but loving family. 

"This was us: A modern day, dysfunctional Three's Company. A lesbian rocker, an insatiable man-whore and a notorious commitment-phobe, all under one roof....And in all honesty, they were the only two people on Earth that had ever met the skeletons hanging out in my closet. Hell, they just moved them over to make room for theirs"

Their own families are fucked up so they find love among one another, people on the outside don't understand it. Hell, even I didn't understand it at times, but I am also someone who has always been surrounded by love my whole life so maybe I didn't need to understand it. They are also very protective over one another and if you fucked with one of them they were all going to give you a piece of their mind! 

Blaine is the other POV that is told in this story, along with Kami's and I am so glad that the author did this because while both POVs were at times frustrating and gut wrenching, Kami's POV was so much darker, while Blaine's was lighter so it was a nice break from all the angst and heartbreak.

Kami is trying to find herself and Blaine is trying to better his self in life so people don't just judge the character that they see on the outside. Kami ends up working with Blaine after her last job/relationship ended so badly. BUT working in a bar with sex on a stick does nothing to help Kami keep people behind the walls she has built around her and her heart but Blaine tries.

There is an instant connection, not an instant love kind of connection but a feeling as if you found someone that you can see yourself with, between Blaine and Kami.
Kami is scared shitless because she can't afford to let anyone in and Blaine is scared because he don't think he can let her go.

God, Blaine is such a swoon-worthy man I just melted into a pile of goo whenever he spoke or breathed or just stared because I could imagine those eyes staring straight into my soul like they seem to do to Kami's.

There is just so much inside of Kami that she can't quite open up to Blaine about, she leaves it buried deep inside her, she is so afraid that Blaine will bolt the second he finds out about all her quirks and triggers. But she wants Blaine to be her only exception, she desperately wants him to be her other half, her protector and the one person she can let go with and be herself, her real self.

"For the first time in 23 years, I felt something. Something other than trepidation when a man touched me. Something more than the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I had to shatter another heart because I couldn't let anyone in. Something so much more than the emptiness that filled my chest when I thought about the normal, happy life that I would never have.... Blaine was my more"

Blaine was patient, kind, loving, sweet, protective, gorgeous, amazing.. I could go on and on.. He loved hard but he knew loving Kami wasn't going to be easy, his heart was going to be obilterated but he just couldn't find himself caring about his self and what the broken heart would do to him, he just had to have her.

"Sometimes loving people can be just as much of a gift as it is a curse. Because some can't help but love. Even when you know it will hurt you in the end"

The tension in the book is freaking hot, steamy, and that was all before the sex!!
The sex of course was just as hot and steamy that you felt it right along with them. You are clutching your thighs tightly together, while wiggling in your seat.

There was a part of the book that the song: Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus was being mentioned and I decided it would be a good idea to listen to it and read that part of the book... BAD IDEA!!
I couldn't stop crying, I had goosebumps, and I was shaking...
I felt Kami's emotions every step of the way, I empathized and I also wanted to shake her senseless!

This book was just so heartbreaking and that was before I knew it was based on true events.
I know it says it in the description but I live a bit on the wild side and all I saw was that it was written by S.L. Jennings and I was sold.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Gut-wrentching, heartbreaking, emotional, soul crushing, scarring, and it's horrifying but eventually it becomes healing and even through all the tragedy and pain there is always love, love is always the balm that starts to heal a damaged soul but sometimes it just isn't enough to save someone that isn't willing to save themselves....

That is the best description I can give this book, I was so entranced inside this book that I don't remember doing anything other than reading it, crying, and feeling so so so.. I don't even know the words to describe what exactly I felt, this book gutted me something fierce and I still am not sure if I  adequately reviewed it, the last time I felt this way was after I read Left Drowning by Jessica Park.
This book is just as powerful but for different reasons, just as raw but with its own reasons why.

I give this book a 5/5 and you need to fall in love with Kami, Blaine, Angel, Dom, C.J, and all the other characters..

If you want to get this from Amazon here is the link:

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