Friday, March 29, 2013

Sex, Snacks, and Comedy.. Chocolate Lovers series...

Explicit words may be used!! 

I would like to start off by saying me and this author needs to become BFFs!!
I never thought I'd find someone with a worse mouth than me.. 
Really if you know me, you know what I mean. 
I keep my posts PG-13ish because I am always afraid I am going to piss off someone because they will be offended by my mouth 
BUT I'd like to say... ehh Fuck it!! 
This series inspired me to be more... explicit with my words

This series starts off with 
Snacks and Seduction
Claire is a twenty-something, single mom that grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he's asleep) toddler a better life. When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time. With Carter's undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire's panic that her stretch marks and slim to none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after. Warning: contains explicit sex, profanity and enough sarcasm to choke a horse.

Next is 
Futures and Frosting

Carter, Claire and Gavin have formed the perfect little family. Their friends are getting married and everyone is growing up, maturing and ready to face the future. Or are they? From bachelorette party hell, porn addictions, dinner roll baseball and botched wedding proposals to finding out everyone's extended family is chock full of crazy, Carter and Claire begin to question the strength of the ties that bind them. Unfortunately, these ties have nothing to do with fuzzy handcuffs and everything to do with the mounting differences between them. Will their friends make a mess of things with their inappropriate comments and need to know everything, or will they convince the couple that happily-ever-after sometimes really can start with beer pong?

Lastly there is
Trouble and Treats
Drew and Jenny have spent years being the envy of their friends with their out of control sex lives – well, not really. Mostly it makes their friends want to throw up in their mouths a little. With two little kids and two busy lives, for the first time, Drew and Jenny aren’t on the same page in the bedroom. Drew will stop at nothing to get his previously amorous wife back in the sack and Jenny will do anything for a full night of sleep. Carter and Claire, and Jim and Liz are their usual (un)helpful selves and are full of advice for the discontented duo, wanting nothing more than to help restore order to the usually happy couple’s lives. In the third and final installment of the Chocolate Lovers Series, will Drew and Jenny find the spark that’s been missing in their marriage, or will the trouble they’re having cause a stickier situation than the time Jenny poured honey all over Drew and he fused himself to a tree?

My Thoughts

It is now in my TOP 5 of all time favorite series!! 
Seriously.. it is fucking greaat!!

What made me want to read this series was the Warning label that it came with.. 
I gotta say I was hesitant to read it because I did not like the cover, I am a total book cover whore and I get all judgmental when it comes to book covers. It will either attract or repel me, if it repels me I will still read the reviews and see if it's worth reading or not and
 I am so glad my book cover snobbyness did not get in the way of me reading 
Seduction and Snacks
I don't think I have read anything so funny that causes it me to tinkle a little from laughing so hard (hey NO JUDGEMENT I had a 9lb child that permanently ruined my bladder). 

So Seduction and Snacks starts off with Claire's story on how she got knocked up at a college party. After finding out the one night stand is no where to be found, she is forced to raise a child on her own, giving up her dreams and dropping out of college. After almost five years of raising her son, a coincidence puts her and her one night stand in the same room. 
This whole situation becomes one big coincidence and funny antics that leads to Carter to finally know who Claire is. 
Of course he never forgot Claire, he thought about her every day since that one night stand but had a vague, drunken memory of what she actually looked liked so he didn't realize who she was when he first saw her again. 
The rest of the story is back and forth between Claire and Carter and of course Carter's best friend Drew also falls in love with Claire's best friend Jenny so it becomes a huge group of six-three couples. 
The amazing part of the story was Claire's best friend Liz who not only opens a sex shop for herself but also buys a place big enough for Claire and her chocolate creations.. 
Seduction and Snacks was born. 
The internal monologues with Claire and Carter is probably the best part of this book, along with the friendships that are formed with all three couples. 
OH and can't forget about the loud mouth, swear word saying, rambunctious, Gavin who is Carter and Claire's son. He made the stories even funnier with his mouth and behavior. He reminded me a LOT of my child and other children I have watched in the past! 
Between the funny and outrageous antics that the three couples and Gavin get into, the conversations between all of them, you are left with an aching stomach and pee panties from laughing so hard. 
Oh and lets not forget the totally hot sex scenes.. Those deserve their own praise... 

Futures and Frostings continues with Carter and Claire and it is just as funny, witty, sexy, and wet as Seduction and Snacks
My poor husband kept getting woken up by my laughing and kicked me to another room to read so I wouldn't disturb his beauty rest! 
But he enjoyed the benefits from the sexyness of the book ;). 
Claire and Carter's story finishes in this book but it ends just as awesome as it started!

Trouble and Treats has Claire, Carter and the rest of the gang in it but this time this story is about Drew and Jenny. 
I didn't think this story was going to be as awesome as the other two but I was pleasantly surprised when I laughed just as much as I did with the other two books!
The dialogue is the same and Drew is even funnier than he was in the other two!! 

Tara Sivec puts a funny as HELL and sexy twist to child birth, raising children, marriage, keeping sex spicy, and what happens when your marriage is in trouble. 
Sivec makes it funny and adults can relate whether they are married with children or not. 
I recommend this series to anyone who is 18+ and wants a good laugh about life in general. 

Here are some quotes from all three books:

"Oh, please, like she doesn't know about the smell of meat products wafting from her lady parts. I think she rubs bologna down there to attract men. Lunch meat is her sex pheromone."
Seduction and Snacks (Chocolate Lovers #1) (Kindle Locations 1351-1353). 

"Papa says your friends Johnny, Jack and Jose maded you sick. Friends shouldn't do stuff like that, Mommy. If Luke maded me sick, I'd punch him in the nuts!"
 Seduction and Snacks (Chocolate Lovers #1) (p. 47).  

Note to self: apologize to Liz for calling her a Sadistic Vagina-Nazi Bitch every time she made a Brazilian wax appointment for me.   Because of her dedication to my who-ha, Carter doesn't have to discover a wildebeest in my pants right now and stop what he's doing to go in search of a weed whacker
 Seduction and Snacks (Chocolate Lovers #1) (p. 137).  

“Oh my God.   I take that back.   THIS is the happiest moment of my life.   My son just got a boner for Sopranos,” Carter whispers.
Futures and Frosting (Chocolate Lovers #2) (Kindle Locations 3140-3141). 

“My mom’s not afraid to punch a kid,”
Futures and Frosting (Chocolate Lovers #2) (Kindle Location 1972).  

“My tummy is good.   Papa said I need to drop a deuce and check it for money.   I can poop money!” he says excitedly.
Futures and Frosting (Chocolate Lovers #2) (Kindle Locations 3449-3450).  

“You have no idea what that monster is capable of.   You didn’t see her eyes.   It was like looking into the windows of hell.   I actually felt a chill.   That cat is Satan.   I bet she’s upstairs right now trying to suck the souls out of our kids.
 Troubles and Treats (Chocolate Lovers #3) (Kindle Locations 801-803).  

“The last time you even took a razor to that area was seven months ago.   It is THAT bad.   The day you wanted me to look at your vagina I could see those things trying to jump ship out of the sides of your underwear.   Your twat looked like one of those freaky clowns that’s bald down the middle of its white head with ginormous tufts of hair sprouting out by it’s ears.”
Troubles and Treats (Chocolate Lovers #3) (Kindle Locations 2872-2875). 

Seriously, ghost.   Cut that shit out.   I know you’re there; you don’t need to advertise it.
Keep it down while you ghostly masturbate over there!
Troubles and Treats (Chocolate Lovers #3) (Kindle Location 4163). 

I give all three books from this series 5***** If you want them for your Kindle. Go here to Amazon

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