Friday, May 17, 2013

If You Stay by Courtney Cole

This book was recommended to me by several people and I can say in all honesty that I am glad I got to read it, it was such an inspirational book that by the end I was overwhelmed with many emotions that I couldn't decipher which one was more prominent. 
This book had every emotion under the sun and you come out the other side in tears, whether they are good tears or bad depends on you...

Description:

He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match.
But he’s got his reasons.His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count.As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect fa├žade.So he slipped far, far from it.Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right?Wrong.And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila.Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he’s got to figure it out because he needs her to breathe.When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness.But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it.He knows that. And he’s working on it.But is that enough to make her stay?


My Thoughts:

This book starts off so dramatically that I had no idea where it was going to go or how it was going to keep my interest after the most dramatic start of a book, I have ever read. 

But if I thought I saw the last of the drama I was sorely mistaken.

In the beginning, Pax is in his car in a rather promiscuous position with his booty call of the night doing lines of coke. While doing this said coke he overdoses and this is when Mila comes into the picture. She sees Pax in his car unresponsive and not breathing, she eventually gets his heart started again and then the paramedics show up and escorts him to the hospital. 

After Pax becomes lucid he finds out that Mila saved his life and comes face to face with her at the hospital when she stops by to check to make sure he was still alive.
Pax is immediately enamored with her but he can't figure out why.. Yes, she did save his life but why was she standing out in his mind more than any other woman ever has?? 

Mila thought Pax was beautiful, with his tattoos and masculine body but there was something else in him that she was attracted too and she couldn't explain it either. Save for the near death experience this guy seemed genuine and confident so she could not figure out why he would turn to drugs. 
Although, she sees the confident man on the outside she still sees the sadness and vulnerability in his eyes that tears at her heart. 

After Pax is discharged from the hospital he starts finding ways to get Mila's attention because he just HAS to know her. Mila tries to keep her distance because if one thing she knew it was bad boys were a very bad idea for her heart. 

No.  I can’t let you break my heart.  I don’t have much of it left.”
 (p. 114)

When Pax finally persuades her to be with him, you see the beautifully broken people become a beautifullyUNbroken love. 
They make so much sense, they are perfect for each other, even if they are not perfect by themselves.

Of course even perfect relationships have their downfalls. Pax finally uncovers the truth of his mother's death and it tears at your heart and soul to see through the eyes of the little boy who had to live through that. 
Pax becomes closed off and Mila can't even reach him.
What happens when the one thing Pax swears to do, try not to hurt Mila, happens and she leaves?

This book was so emotionally raw and covered everything from drug abuse, to suppressed memories and everything in between that pulls you in from the very beginning to the very end. 

I give this book a 4/5 stars and recommend it to anyone and everyone.. 

Quotes from the book:

“You must be talented.  Sometimes, the past doesn’t want to sleep.” “That’s true,” I admit.  “You’re right.  Sometimes, at the least opportune times, the past is an insomniac, alive and well.”
 (p. 47) Kindle Edition. 




“Love never fails, Mila. That’s what your parents believed.  And because of you, it’s what I believe now, too.  You stuck by me and loved me when I didn’t deserve it.  All I want is a chance to prove that I can be worthy of it.  Your parents were sort of fucked up in their own way, like me, and they never got the help that they needed. But I will.  I promise.  I will put the work in.  I will learn how to cope with painful things and I will never leave you again.  Just tell me that you’ll stay with me.”
 (p. 315) Kindle Edition. 


“I love you.  I love how you are so sweet and innocent and kind to people, but you are such a vixen in the sack.  I love how you look at me.  I love your smile.  I love everything about you.”
(p. 254)Kindle Edition

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